I wish I could punch you in the face.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
