So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
