i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
