If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
