i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
