I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
