You just made me feel so damn special
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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