My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
