What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wish my penis had a tongue
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
