He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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