SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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