I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
