quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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