At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
