You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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