history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
