evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.