I love black thongs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
