Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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