Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
