dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
