God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I will pee on everything he values.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
