i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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