i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
