i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
