Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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