You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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