He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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