If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
