I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this will be a night to untag.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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