Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
