Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
