I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is my gift to your gina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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