is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
