My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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