We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
