Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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