Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
