we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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