Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
