the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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