Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
