Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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