There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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