she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
