Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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