I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
