Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
