how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
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DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
whose parrot is this?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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