dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
