just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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