Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
