i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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