Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
