I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
