I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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