I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
