An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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