he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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