This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Vodka?
Forever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
