Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
