btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
