is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
