i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
