Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
