exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
