i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
