Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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