She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
