Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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