Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it glows. i had to have it.
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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