i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
