we're blogging at a bar
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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