Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
