This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
