I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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