A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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