I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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