i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize