i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
