I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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