i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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