i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
