After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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