So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
