I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
