Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize