so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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